What is a Eulogy, and how do I write one?
A eulogy is a speech given at a memorial or funeral service. The word EULOGY means to “speak well of” and can be delivered by a family member, friend, co-worker, celebrant or minister.
For some, this is a daunting task; for others, it is a welcome time spent reflecting; and perhaps learning more about their loved one’s life. The process can feel cathartic for some.
It is a wonderful way to show respect and honour - a time to acknowledge the person who has died & the life they lived. Eulogies can be healing and provide touching reminders of events and aspects of the person’s personality that may have been forgotten or previously unknown.
Some choose a structured/formal Eulogy that speaks to the significant events & dates of the person’s life, career, community involvement etc.
For some, it feels more fitting for it to be delivered in a less formal- more personal way through sharing stories & memories - heartfelt expressions of gratitude and grief. Some choose a combination. Eulogies can be presented by more than one person in more than one way.
A few reminders you may find helpful:
You are there with your community to remember, honour & grieve. Tears and pauses and sniffles are okay and expected. There is no expectation for you to be emotionless as you pay tribute to someone you love and respect. Focus on the person you are paying tribute to, rather than your nerves and concerns.
You are surrounded by so much love and support. If you feel that you can’t continue, ask a family member, friend or the celebrant/priest to deliver the remainder of your eulogy.
It is unlikely that you will need someone to step in for you. You will most probably surprise yourself and find the strength and resolve you didn’t know you had.
Your show of grief will help others grieve. One of the reasons we have ceremonies at the end of life is to assist in bereavement. There is no need to attempt to hide your pain, grief, and tears- in fact letting it all out gives others ‘permission’ to do the same.
Start by taking rough notes. Jot anything and everything down that comes to mind and then build on that. It will take time.
Photos, letters, diaries, and memorabilia can help gather information
Talk with as many loved ones as possible to obtain additional details & stories
Yes, humour is ok. Laughter is as important as our tears- all are welcomed and needed.
Practice reading your tribute out loud.
What can be included:
· Full name (known by any other names?)
· Date & place of birth & death
· Parent’s names, siblings & other significant family members
· Children, Grandchildren & Great-grandchildren
· Places they grew up
· Activities when young
· What stories did they tell about their childhood?
· School life (primary, secondary, tertiary)
· Significant Friendships
· Marriages / Significant relationships
· Places travelled to…
· Qualifications, trade or academic Career
· Special workmates, Career moves
· Community service, achievements, causes they fought for.
· Strong political ideals?
· Memorable events in their life.
· Significant holidays/anniversaries
· Hobbies, interests, sporting achievements
· Culture/Art/ favourite music, songs, music, books, poems, TV shows
· Club memberships, positions held
· The significant events in their life that shaped who they were…
· They would be best known for…
· What personality traits would most people use to describe them?
· The guiding principles in their life were…
· The things we will miss the most about them…
· They were most admired for…
· What are you proud to say about them?
· What did they do that made you feel loved?
· They are wonderful example of…
· Their legacy is…
· Some funny/interesting anecdotes that offer insight into their character and remind us of the good times…
· I would like to thank them for…
Please remember, expert delivery is not expected. A heartfelt message of love, and stories reminding us of why we all share that love is all that is really required.