How to personalise a memorial service?

A memorial service is a commonly used term to describe an end-of-life ceremony that doesn't have the deceased body present in a coffin.
A memorial service usually happens after a cremation and is important for family and friends to come together, remember, and pay tribute to the life of the deceased person.

A memorial service can be held in any public or private space of your choosing in Queensland.

The popularity of direct cremations is on the rise, reflecting a shifting trend in
end-of-life choices.
Despite the simplicity of a direct cremation, the need to commemorate a loved one's life remains. It is a need in grief and bereavement to honour and celebrate the lives of those who have died.

In this evolving landscape, memorial services and ash-scattering ceremonies emerge as the prevailing ritual after a direct cremation.
A memorial service should be a reflection of someone’s unique life.
The words of the service and music played reveal the individual and their life. But more can be done to create that personal touch, where someone’s personality, interests and life can be reflected in just an extra touch or two.

Examples of how to personalise a memorial service:

Utilise decorations that reflect the deceased person’s personality and life:
It is simple and can be very comforting to imbue the venue with a personal and inviting atmosphere. Consider placing items created by the deceased person around the space, adorning the space with their favourite flowers, scattering items from their home or their collections of treasured items, perhaps arranging piles of their beloved books from home—anything that honours the person whose life you are commemorating.

Establish a memory table:
Arrange a table either at the forefront of the service area or in the foyer to exhibit items that encapsulate your loved one's life, such as photographs, trophies, certificates, cherished trinkets, artwork, and objects representing their favourite hobbies like a fishing rod, garden tools, a football, or preferred clothing items – essentially anything that holds significance.

Utilize a memory-sharing station:
During the gathering, position an area containing paper or postcards, with questions about the deceased individual. Attendees can select and discuss these questions with one another, exchanging stories. This serves as an excellent conversation starter, fostering meaningful interactions during the reception.

Ask attendees to wear special colours/items of clothing for the service:
This could involve the individual's preferred colour or the hues representing their favourite sports team. It could be an item of clothing such as a fishing shirt or Hawaiian shirt or string of pearls or an item of jewellery. These are simple gestures that can add a touch of brightness to the occasion and create a sense of togetherness.

Showcase a photo display:
Photo albums, framed photos on easels, photo boards, a table adorned with framed photos, or scattering photos around the tables in the space. Also, ask guests to bring a copy of their favourite photo of the person. These photos can be glued into a memorial book and memories written that explain the photo.

Present music in a personalised and unique manner:
Consider inviting a family member or friend who possesses musical talent to sing or perform during the service. Live performances add a deeply personal and meaningful touch. If certain songs or genres held significance for the deceased person, consider printing the lyrics for a special song that everyone can sing together. As long as it's a familiar song and there's someone to lead, a collective singing experience can beautifully bring people together and provide a cathartic release of emotions.
Another way to bring people together is to invite attendees to add to special song that reminds them of time spent with the deceased person to a Spotify playlist to play during the wake.

Document cherished memories:
Set up a memory table where individuals can share their personal recollections of the loved one. This can be set up in various creative ways, offering a more heartfelt alternative to simply collecting attendees' signatures in an attendance book. Recording memories can be facilitated through a memorial book with prompts for storytelling and favourite happy memories, tags or notecards, memory stones, a large board, a memory tree, or by placing notes in a memory jar. These memories are especially cherished for those with young children.

Opt for distinctive flowers or personalized decoration:
Enhancing this space with thoughtful decorations adds a personal touch to the proceedings. Perhaps a florist can craft a flower arrangement that symbolizes something meaningful to the deceased person, incorporate flowers and greenery from the deceased's garden, or if they had a passion for gardening, consider an arrangement of vegetables. For those less inclined towards flowers, opt for more personalised items like favourite books, bottles of preferred drinks, sporting or musical memorabilia, items the deceased made themselves, or even items they wore. The possibilities are diverse and can reflect the unique essence of the individual being remembered.

Customize refreshments:
Offer refreshments featuring the deceased's favourite foods—whether it's recipes they were renowned for or simply their preferred dishes. For instance, set up a signature cocktail or esky full of their favourite beer, a lolly station, meat pies & hot chips for a sports enthusiast, arrange for an ice-cream van for someone with a love for ice-cream, set up a high tea, or choose any option that resonates with the unique tastes of the departed individual.

Release symbolic elements:
As the service concludes, consider incorporating a poignant and symbolic moment by releasing the ashes in scattering tubes, or other items such as letters, doves, butterflies, bubbles, or even flowers or pebbles, or paper boats into a nearby river or the vast expanse of the ocean. This ceremonial act not only adds a graceful and ethereal touch to the proceedings but also serves as a visually compelling representation of letting go and allowing the spirits to ascend into the limitless sky or drift away on the gentle currents. The choice of element for release can be tailored to resonate with the individual's preferences or hold personal significance, contributing to a heartfelt and memorable conclusion to the commemoration.

Offer small gratitude tokens to attendees:
A small token could include a postcard, bookmark, seeds or seedling, a flower, a memorial stone, CD or USB with the deceased's favourite music, a bag of their favourite lollies or chocolate, a memorial candle. If the deceased was an avid reader, consider bringing their book collection for attendees to each select one to read. An item of their jewellery or a craft they created could also be shared. Additionally, you may print and distribute a favourite recipe or a few recipes for which the deceased was well-known. As mentioned, the choices are limitless, providing everyone present with a meaningful keepsake that truly reflects the essence of the person and helps mourners feel close to the person.

These suggested ideas serve as a starting point for planning a memorial service following the cremation of a loved one.

Navigating the period after the passing of a loved one is marked by grief and stress. Yet, engaging in the planning of highly personalised elements for a gathering can provide a sense of purpose for those who express a desire to contribute. This can be an effective way to provide grievers with a meaningful task, fostering a sense of inclusion during this challenging period. By assigning specific tasks related to these ideas, you not only create a more personalized farewell but also offer opportunities for others to participate in a way that supports shared mourning and remembrance.