Rituals in the time of Corona- part 1

Our death rituals have changed. Death and grieving looks and feels different in these strange times we have found ourselves in. The physical isolation we are experiencing is all the more reason to engage in our familiar rituals (regardless of how different they may look & feel) and perhaps engage in new ones.

Nature & flowers are one way to do this….

I lead a memorial service for a gentleman who was also a keen gardener. The service was held in a very small room - it was actually an office. Furniture was moved around and a sacred space was created. The memory table was filled with photos and memorabilia, scented candles and of course, flowers. The thing that really grabbed my attention was a beautiful native arrangement. Upon closer inspection, I discovered it was prepared by a local florist who I adore & admire. When the request was made, the florist had no idea that this particular gentleman had a strong connection to the native Australian bush & could name almost every native plant Australia has to offer & how much we would talk about his connection to nature in the service. She was delighted to hear about this connection and how comforting the beautiful and personal arrangement was to the family.

Flowers are almost always deeply important to family & friends during death rituals. They are items of beauty, of comfort, of respect & honour, a visual nod to the person who has died. I have quite a few stories to tell about the power of this - but I'll save them for another day.

So, how is this relevant? How does this connect us and assist our grieving in this strange time? Chapels and halls are not full at the moment, they are mostly empty. They are still full of love and honour, but they are not full of all the people wanting to wrap their arms around each other, they are not full of shoulders to rest a weary head, they are not full of hands to hold and memories to share. So, how do we stay connected to our community to our loved one who has died? How do we feel comforted when we may be alone or lonely? By engaging in ritual, among other things. How would we create rituals with flowers/plants/in nature?

We could save some of the flowers from a funeral arrangement & dry them. Or organise for extras to take home. We could organise a delivery of special flowers to ourselves on a regular basis. The simple act of making a cup of tea and sitting admiring the flowers and communing with our loved one can be a ritual. What if we grew our loved one’s favourite plant? Imagine sending seeds to all the family & friends who weren’t able to be at the funeral to sew in their own gardens. We have some of my Mother-in-law’s orchids growing in our garden-they always seem to flower on important days - we have a chat to her and thank her for them. Hers was a sudden and unexpected death, so her reminders that she is always with us are especially appreciated. I have also planted geraniums from my Grandmother’s garden and a passionfruit vine in her honour (the seeds from her own vine didn’t sprout) I chat to her when I sit in the garden admiring the fiery red geranium flowers and when I eat one of the delicious passionfruit. These are just a few ideas- I’m sure you can create your own. If you have an inkling or desire- no matter how trite or strange it may seem, I implore you to follow the prompting. Your intuition always lets you know what you need. Any simple actions of love and peace and communion can be ritualised and make us feel close to our person - helping us to gain comfort & connection in these somewhat uncomfortable & disconnected times.